my last post was when term holidays were about to start and now it's only a weekend before i have to go back..! as usual i barely did any work and will have to cram it all on sunday, probably. it's really just the speech i have to prepare that's going to grind me up. did i actually do anything this holidays? not really. my family stayed at the cbd for a couple days, where i mainly ate food, walked a lot and also got some badges made + bought some zines at sticky institute, which is good. the volunteer there was lovely with helping me with the badge machine even when i jammed it which i'm grateful for...

i feel like i'm stagnating with my art. i've always known i was never a prodigy or gifted or anything like that but it feels stronger than ever that my skills have never progressed much or as fast as they should be. art has been the only thing i've consistently done my whole life and i still feel so amateurish, compared to other artists my age- it's hard because i don't know what else i would do with my life if not make art. i'm not smart, or athletic, or even particularly determined at anything, really. it's depressing to say but if i'm not able to make art my career i probably won't be able to live at all.

well... i've been trying to be more creative. it's not anything i'll post online but i've committed myself to making things even if they don't look good. as they say, you have to get through the bad art first before you can start making good art. i haven't yet decided if this mandatory exercise is therapeutic or just painful.